What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

Would this be the day?

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

Why is there so much free porn on the internet?

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

And i lived it daily.

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Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

Put me off passion for life!!

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

How is sex with a woman for gay men?

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

We were not on the streets..

But, we were locked up after school.

Can someone write me a sex story?

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

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Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

What did i know ?

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

Why do foolish atheists think their strange delusional theories are facts?

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

This is how, and why children get BPD.

Why do Democrats never produce a good argument for why Trump was a bad president?

She loved him until the end.

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

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But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

We all went to grammer schools

Why do nice guys rarely or never win?

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

Has anyone shared his wife with a friend? How was it?

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

I know ,a lot about trauma.

Im still living with it.

He knew the spot.

I waited trembling.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

When she asked me how she looked .

I will be 64.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

She married twice! .

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

I was scared of men, in general

And who doesn’t know suffering?

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

All the time i was locked up.

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

It was going to be , some day.

I could never make a relationship work though!

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

The only rule us 5 kids had .

Was to survive, this bastard.

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

I never cut or harmed myself..

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

But ive been too sick for many years..

Ive learnt so much.

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

So whats the point in blame.

Especially a lifetime of it.

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

(And it was in our own minds.)

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

He resisted the act ,that day.

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

I was seconnd youngest,

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

Who then, do I blame.?

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

This is soul school!.

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

I think the readers, may guess!

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

So, i spoilt her more .

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

She wouldn,t have been !

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

I had hoped to write a book about this .

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

My mum and dad in the seventies!

But it wasn’t much.

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

One cannot live in the past .

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

I said to her

My life is so biszare .

She found it foreign!.

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

I was 9 years of age.

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

I couldn’t, believe it.

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

As i do to all so called friends.?

They are buried together, in the same grave..

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

On the 31st of Jan this month .

I have no regrets .

I write beautiful poetry .

I don,t even have a pension.

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

Im dying but, im not bitter.

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

I was very sick at this time too.

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

I did it because my mum asked me too!

Comes on , in middle age.

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

She was in good health!

My family never makes their pension either.

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

Where the ultimate outsiders.

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

Why did i forgive my father ?

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.